angels brought me here.
sometime when u think about life, you find how stupid and foolish it could be. u think about it and u feel like god has created this game of life just for the fun of it. he created so much pitholes, so much drawbacks and falls, and at the end of the day, he wants you to see what is beyond these difficulties. life can be happy, if you live it to the fullest.
im not sure whethere im living my own life to the fullest. i'm kind of feeling drowzy with different thoughts telling me to go on life in different directions. im kind of lost, kind of confused, not knowing what should i do next?
i want to ace for A levels. i want to do everything to make my family and brothers proud. i want to show them i've got the abilites to do the things i want to do. i've my vision, my goals, my inspirations, my dreams, all of which i want to fulfil before i die.
however, setbacks in life just keep appearing in front of me. each barrier that is build up just pushes me to lower grounds. sometime the level that i've fallen just make me lose all my confidence. my family is there for me, my brothers never leave me, my friends are in front of me, but these people would not be much help to me if i dont pick myself up.
i know my weaknesses, my bad habits, my flaws, all of which are things i've to change and improve on. its all about discpline of the mind and soul. that's what life and decisions are all about.
these words that im speaking are coming from the bottom of my heart. i know i've disappoint some of my friends and brothers for the false promises that i've made in the past. one thing that is true is that im trying my best to change for the better. im trying ok!
do you know that when you get drunk , you become unaware of the things that are happening around you? and right now, i dont know why am i writing all these things in this entry. one thing for sure is that i need an avenue where i can write out all my grievances and saddness for those who are close to me to understand. i'm struggling right now, seriously i am. at times, i just feel like breaking down and cry. but i cant, i know i cant. my character tells me to always put a smile in front of eveyone, cracks a joke for them to make them laugh, to stupid actions just to make myself laugh. why am i doing all these actions? why?
im at my junjie house and the media player is playing S.H.E song. it reminds of this secondary school friend that i once had. the key word is HAD. let's just name her,J. J has been a good friend of mine, or even my best friend whom i can trust my thoughts and secrets with. she's more of a girlfriend that just a friend, she's the girl whom i had fallen in love with. she once chose a guy over me. to tell you the truth, im fine with that. i didnt complain, i didnt hate, all i did was to respect yourr choice. after the both of you broke up, i know that i've fallen for you.. again.. but at that moment, im not sure of my feelings and i wasnt true about making you my girl. i was afraid of another rejection, another withdrawal of love, another shitty relationship. the moment when i've no doubt about this love, you are togeher with another guy. what can i say? tell me.. what can i do? at that moment, do i even have a choice to choose what should i do next. i chose the most timid path, i walked out of this love relationship. i chose to remain discreet about this love and just pray the best for you. and now, we are more than strangers than just friends. if you know who you are and you are reading this, all i want to tell you is that "im sorry"
a true romance can ruin a perfect friendship.
im tired and im not trying to show how many girls i have in my past, only a few have made an impact in my life. these few are those whom i cherished deeply in my heart. J and my ex being the few.
sometime, some words are better left unspoken.
junjie and weecheong are sleeping like dead logs now. before i go, i want to wish WONG JUNJIE AKA BKOR AKA ALWAYS-LATE-GUY AKA PROFESSOR AKA MY BROTHER , A HAPPPY BIRTHDAY, ASSHOLE.
im not sure whethere im living my own life to the fullest. i'm kind of feeling drowzy with different thoughts telling me to go on life in different directions. im kind of lost, kind of confused, not knowing what should i do next?
i want to ace for A levels. i want to do everything to make my family and brothers proud. i want to show them i've got the abilites to do the things i want to do. i've my vision, my goals, my inspirations, my dreams, all of which i want to fulfil before i die.
however, setbacks in life just keep appearing in front of me. each barrier that is build up just pushes me to lower grounds. sometime the level that i've fallen just make me lose all my confidence. my family is there for me, my brothers never leave me, my friends are in front of me, but these people would not be much help to me if i dont pick myself up.
i know my weaknesses, my bad habits, my flaws, all of which are things i've to change and improve on. its all about discpline of the mind and soul. that's what life and decisions are all about.
these words that im speaking are coming from the bottom of my heart. i know i've disappoint some of my friends and brothers for the false promises that i've made in the past. one thing that is true is that im trying my best to change for the better. im trying ok!
do you know that when you get drunk , you become unaware of the things that are happening around you? and right now, i dont know why am i writing all these things in this entry. one thing for sure is that i need an avenue where i can write out all my grievances and saddness for those who are close to me to understand. i'm struggling right now, seriously i am. at times, i just feel like breaking down and cry. but i cant, i know i cant. my character tells me to always put a smile in front of eveyone, cracks a joke for them to make them laugh, to stupid actions just to make myself laugh. why am i doing all these actions? why?
im at my junjie house and the media player is playing S.H.E song. it reminds of this secondary school friend that i once had. the key word is HAD. let's just name her,J. J has been a good friend of mine, or even my best friend whom i can trust my thoughts and secrets with. she's more of a girlfriend that just a friend, she's the girl whom i had fallen in love with. she once chose a guy over me. to tell you the truth, im fine with that. i didnt complain, i didnt hate, all i did was to respect yourr choice. after the both of you broke up, i know that i've fallen for you.. again.. but at that moment, im not sure of my feelings and i wasnt true about making you my girl. i was afraid of another rejection, another withdrawal of love, another shitty relationship. the moment when i've no doubt about this love, you are togeher with another guy. what can i say? tell me.. what can i do? at that moment, do i even have a choice to choose what should i do next. i chose the most timid path, i walked out of this love relationship. i chose to remain discreet about this love and just pray the best for you. and now, we are more than strangers than just friends. if you know who you are and you are reading this, all i want to tell you is that "im sorry"
a true romance can ruin a perfect friendship.
im tired and im not trying to show how many girls i have in my past, only a few have made an impact in my life. these few are those whom i cherished deeply in my heart. J and my ex being the few.
sometime, some words are better left unspoken.
junjie and weecheong are sleeping like dead logs now. before i go, i want to wish WONG JUNJIE AKA BKOR AKA ALWAYS-LATE-GUY AKA PROFESSOR AKA MY BROTHER , A HAPPPY BIRTHDAY, ASSHOLE.
posted by Ivan at
3:44 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home