pondering

i just finish reading through my vectors tutorials and about to start with the tys questions. i know im stressing myself, putting greater and heavier pressure onto my own shoulders. if i know dont handle this shit well, these burdens that im shouldering could just crush my life to nothing. so, i took a break and walk out to the balcony to chill out. as the wind brushes through my face, the sense of comfortness is relieving. the sound of the wind "woosh woosh" seems to be hinting and telling me something. i took a leap, peek down to the grounds under this block. 7 storeys may not seem high but its definitely enough to kill someone. committing sucide. this is the issue that the wind seems to be telling me. i lost 2 friends because of sucide, one in secondary 2 and the other during my sec 4 days. one was a friend of my friend. we met only one time during a badmintion game. the next thing i know, she was dead during my sec.2 final year lit. paper. the other friend, a close one, committed sucide just outside my sec. school. sad to mention it, but i could have saw her or even stop her if i took the old route home. funny it seems, but that day i remembered clearly i took bus 307 home instead of the mrt. ah, darn it! i regret taking that decision. a week before she died, we promised each other that we will go to the kbox sometime during the following week. we didnt make it for the meeting. that explains one of the reasons why i hate going to the kbox at times, the painful memories that flow back could just stuffocates me. i taught her ice-skating, holding her hands as we skate through the thick layers of ice. i held her when she fell and she pulled me down along with her. terence stood there laughing at us. back then, we were great friends, real great friends. now, a missed friend.