30/7/2004

Life hasn’t been quite fine for me. My test results and studies don’t seem relieving. The feelings hidden inside my soul seem so fucked up. Things are falling down and I cant find the faith within me. You told me to have faith like a child, but like a child, I feel so lost.

I went to town with mei, b gor, a-reeve and terric. They said jokes that didnt seem to make sense, they made everything seem so fine for me, and they created a world where sadness doesn’t seem to survive. I am quite glad to have them as my buddies. Although we often curse and swear at one another, our brotherhood stays strong.

I reached home late this morning at around 2am. I sat down at my desk. My mind searched for a sad memory. I penned down my feelings on a paper. I sealed it up in an envelope and had it sent to the address: Ivan’s memories box
7/7/1988
Singapore 8824396

Thanks for the letter u sent to me that day at esplanade. Although I was surprised to receive the letter, I was quite happy that u still remembers me. Recently, my life doesn’t seem to be fine. I’ve been thinking of 30/7/2004. I still remember that night, when I got together with my ex. How I tried to hold her hand at keat hong lrt and how we didn’t want to let each other’s hands go when I needed to get home. This day last year, we would have been together for one year. But sad to say, things don’t always go as planned. We ended our relationship quite fast. The memories I had with her still stays sweet in my mind. But I gave up. I told myself that this had to come to an end sooner or later. I just hope that you, as a memory box hidden in my soul, will do your job and keep this letter and memory well. Don’t send me any more letters regarding this issue. I hope that she stays happy. I’ll pray for you and her, and may god bless her. Anyway, do take care. Maybe after a few years, I will go over to visit you and reflect these memories.

With care, Ivan