promise

im supposed to be doing my physics tutorial but i just cant focus on doing my work today. somehow, my body seems to be telling my mind to stop all work. my hands are not listening to my calls, so do my soul. for the past few days, i havent been sleeping for more than 4 hours? im under this disease, the norman-i-cant-get-to-sleep syndrome.

ive been telling myself that i must stay determined for my As level. somewhere in my heart, a voice seems to be telling me that ive make the wrong choice by coming to jc. however, now that im in year 2 or the final year, i just have to pass this custom to get my passport to Uni. i don want to disappoint my parents. i don wan myself to have any regrets in life. i will be so lost, so freaking lost in my life direction, if i fail my A. stay strong, ivan!

i want a break from this hectic life!

and i want my hp line to be back.

im beginning to lose faith in this family, my mom and my dad. maybe im holding on to this family is because of my sister. she is still young, i want to protect her from the harsh reality world out there, but one day, she still has to unreveal these works of life herself. my brother may be a clever young chap, but his attitude is simply pissing me off these days. i havent been talking to him for the past few days. i duno how he is thinking, but he is simply treating this family as shit. he shows no respect to my parent, nor to me. i won be surprise if one day he packs his bag and leave this house. he just has to be more responsible and sensible. his maturity of thoughts are still naive and stupid. i just hope he changes for the better, and maybe contribute to this home. below are some contents i hope my sister won be viewing. jasmine, if u love ur kor, please leave my blog at once. ok? be a good girl.

jasmine, leave if you are still reading on.




for those who know about my past, my dad.. yep.. i think he has changed a lot. i don mind him having an affair outside, but he still has to give his responsibilty to this family. he can spend his money on other girls, but he has to place us before them. he is a caring dad. every morning, he would make 3 cans of chicken essence for me and my siblings. each night, he will come home, tired from work. he would then knocked on my door and asked if im asleeep, or cover my blanket when i have fallen asleep. hes ageing. his white hairs are more than the cars in singapore. he may look strong on the outside, but i could feel his loneliness and saddness in his heart. he loves this family a lot, contributing as much as he could to make our life better. however, no one, apart from my sis, seems to be treasuring this contribution he is making. my mom. he would scold my dad at times for drinking too many, but have she wondered why dad is doing all this? every sat, she would go to the temple. did my dad says anything? he didnt even objected to it. my master, having an affair with my mom? what the fuck is going on right now? cant adults be more responsible at times? cant my mom use her brain to think how my dad would feel. fuck it.
i love my mom. she is the most important lady in my life. my dad, i love you too. i really hope to hug you and say i love you, but, both of us will feel awkard i guess. afterall, 2 male adults? hugging?

im crying though` my dad has done alot, alot to this family.

god bless him.
daddy, i love you.