don't forget about us

i'm going to get my results tomorrow. sigh. the thought of it totally freaks me out. for now, i cant sleep, cant eat , cant think, i am feeling totally nervous. geez. will i get a mental breakdown tomorrow? seriously speaking, i'm afraid i may not be able to take the blow tomorrow if i fail. i had been always telling my friends that i'm prepared. but the fact is that, i'm not. sigh* as a matter of fact, my brothers are cursing me to fail. thanks for that! haa.. but i know that they're joking.

i've set my career goal, and right now i am trying to get the passport to Uni. its just another obstacle ahead of me, the promos and the As. i want to get myself into the airforce, getting the job as air engineer officer. then i will work hard in this job prospect till i achieve the post of a chief engineer. from there, i would be earning a huge sum of money, where i will start my own business. seems so far-fetch, but yet its lies within my own hands. god, please give me the strength to carry on ya?

apart from this straight career prospect, i've another ambition in my mind. *to be a freestyle rapper, a recognized freestyle rapper* alright alright, i'm just dreaming ya. haa..

life hasn't been a smooth-sailing trip for me. although i'm quite satisfied with everything around me, my heart seem to be demanding for more. truthfully, deep inside me, i think i've a split personality. i've always been a very nice person to everyone i know, but when that temper inside me flares up, i became a totally different person. i act totally different when i'm in school uniform, and when i'm in outside clothes. it projects a totally different character traits of mine. i can either be mr.nice or mr.evil. cruel thoughts linger inside my brain at times, i appreciate death and gothic-livings a lot. skeletons and decomposing body may seems disgusting to others. but to me, i feels it's art, or rather a sculpture of the living dead. brusque attitude towards the dead? nope. i just let myself feel with sorrow and respect within my soul.

i doubt myself at times. the way of thinking towards relationship. after the break-up with my ex, i had a total different perspective towards love. it seems to me that being rejected my a girl doesnt matter much to me, as a matter of fact, i could just like another girl next door. it does not take a rocket scientist to tell you how to change your feeling. at that point of time, i seems like a total jerk-ass. but right now, a girl change me totally. although i accept the fact that i will never win her heart, i've learn once again how to love a person whole-heartedly. i had been always trying to build my on my own confident, which i believe is lacking inside me. when it comes to loving someone, my confident and self-esteem would eventually fall to the minimum. i'm trying to be a better man to the girl i like and cherish.

all the best to me and my fellow classmates tomorrow
god bless you guys
god bless her too
and for me,
i'll let myself rest-in-peace
i love her =]