ok

and so i was chatting with afiq on msn. and it is only until today that i know there are more people out there in pjc who doesnt like me, be it my face or actions or behaviours, i dont know and i dont care. at the least, im clear with my own conscious and actions. i do what others do to me. saying "i don really like this guy" its like a norm to me, and whether do people say it behind my back, it doesnt matter to me. because at the end of the day, i am the way i am and you are the way you are.

ah. hell with it. im just glad my brothers are there for me. i wonder when will be the day that group of voodoos will come with their "backings" to whack me up. i am just waiting for that day to arrive. ok, i hope that day will be after my As. we'll see who drop dead first, you or me.

ah. im stressed too. and now, my idiotic bunch of brothers are clubbing at MOS. PUI*

thank god i found you

the first thing i will do if i can together with that gal i love and cherish in my heart, i would let her listen to this song.

Thank God i found you
by 98 degrees

I would give up everything
Before I'd seperate
myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarished truth
I was all by myself
For the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

*CHORUS*
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My babay I'm so thankful
I found you *

I will give you everything
There's nothing in this world
I wouldn't do
To insure your happiness
I cherish every part of you'
Cause without you beside me
I can't survive
Don't want to try
If you're keepin me warm
Each and every night
I'll be alright
Because I need you in my life

*Repeat Chorus*

See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back i guess
It shows that we were
Destined to shine
After the rain, to appreciate
The gift of what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

=)

indonesia quake

ok. i didnt read the newspaper yesterday and only to found out today, that there was a massive earthquake in indonesia. so, yep, prayers go out to those who had lost theirs families in this tragic incident and for those who had lost their lives. God Bless. =)

with Credits from Yahoo.News, i got this page of article for you people to read. Treasure your love ones.















BANTUL, Indonesia - After sleeping outside in streets and fields, Indonesian earthquake survivors scavenged their wrecked villages Sunday for food, clothing and anything of use as the death toll rose to more than 4,300. Some 200,000 people were left homeless.

Waves of aftershocks compounded the terror of the magnitude-6.3 quake, which flattened villages and towns on densely populated Java island early Saturday — Indonesia's worst disaster since the 2004 tsunami. Power and phone service remained out amid fears that a nearby rumbling volcano might erupt.
Nations worldwide hurried to send food, supplies and funds. The Rome-based U.N. World Food Program said a plane with medicine and medical personnel was en route, as were eight truckloads of fortified noodles and biscuits. The U.N. children's agency
said it was ready to send tents, hygiene kits, health kits and school supplies.

The worst devastation was in the town of Bantul, which accounted for three-quarters of the deaths. One man dug his 5-year-old daughter out of the rubble of her bedroom only to have her die in a hospital awaiting treatment with hundreds of others.

"Her last words were 'Daddy, Daddy,'" said Poniran, who like many Indonesians uses only one name.

"I have to start my life from zero again."

Some bodies were pulled from the collapsed brick-and-wood houses early Sunday in villages visited by reporters, but few were believed to still be trapped. Most of the dead were buried within hours of the disaster, in line with Islamic tradition.

In Peni, a hamlet on Bantul's southern outskirts, 20 residents searched for a neighbor, Purwoko, after finding the bodies of his wife and three children. Villagers set up simple clinics despite shortages in medicine and equipment. Women cooked catfish caught in a nearby pond for dozens of people huddled under a large tent.

The quake hit hundreds of square miles of mostly farming communities in Yogyakarta province, causing damage to the world-famous 9th century Prambanan temple. As many as 450 aftershocks followed, the strongest magnitude 5.2.

At least 4,332 people were killed, according to government figures, and the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent said at least 200,000 people were left homeless.
Many people spent Saturday night sleeping in any open space available — on streets, in cassava fields, in narrow rice groves. On Sunday, exhausted and grieving, survivors searched the ruins of their homes and complained that aid was slow in arriving.

"We're short of everything — clothes, food, water, all are gone. We are poor people, but our lives still matter," said Budi Wiyana, 63.

Doctors struggled to care for the injured, hundreds of them lying on plastic sheets, straw mats and even newspapers outside overcrowded hospitals. Some were hooked to intravenous drips dangling from trees.

Bloodstains littered the floor at Yogyakarta's Dr. Sardjito Hospital, along with piles of soiled bandages and used medical supplies. Relatives fanned victims in the heat in temporary shelters set up in the parking lot and corridors.

"We have too many patients and they're still arriving," said Aru, a doctor, adding that the hospital had received more than 2,000 wounded.

The earthquake hit at 5:54 a.m., caving in tile roofs and sending walls crashing down. Survivors screamed as they ran from their homes, some clutching bloodied children and the elderly.
The quake was the latest in a series of disasters to hit Indonesia: The 2004 tsunami that killed 131,000 people in Aceh province, terrorist attacks, a widening bird flu outbreak, and the threat of eruption from nearby Mount Merapi.

The quake's epicenter was 50 miles south of the volcano, and activity increased soon after the temblor. A large burst spewed hot clouds and sent debris cascading some two miles down its western flank. No one was injured because nearby residents had already been evacuated.
Officials said the famed 7th century Borobudur Buddhist temple, one of Indonesia's most popular tourist attractions, was not affected. But Prambanan, a spectacular Hindu temple to the southeast, suffered serious damage, with hundreds of stone carvings and blocks scattered around the ancient site.

It will be closed to the public until archeologists are able to determine whether the foundation was damaged, said Agus Waluyo, head of the Yogyakarta Archaeological Conservation Agency. Close to 1 million tourists visit the Borobudur and Prambanan temples every year.
International agencies and nations across Europe and Asia pledged millions of dollars in aid and prepared shipments of tents, blankets, generators, water purification equipment and other supplies.

mmm

this is message brought to you by ivan ng. ivan and afiq have recently set up a new organisation in local neighbourhood near to your house. nono, dont get it wrong, it aint any racists organisation or facts to discriminate any religion. this is organisation is set up to go against a bunch of arrogant asses that pose much of a nusiance to our society. i shall declare the formation of united-anti-s15-organisation. oh well, im not trying to be childish here but im just stating my own opinons and thoughts. i wont give a FUCK to what others may think about my maturity in handling this issue, but face it, im just me.like it or not, i dun care what u dislike or hate about me, i am just the way i am. so yep. i will chair this organisation while afiq will be my vice-president. together, we onli haf one motto, one motive, one goal, and it is to destroy the shits out of these idiotic asses.

today aint a goood day, as a matter of fact, i quarrelled with a bunch of bloody people. maybe its my fault to slap him in a the moment of anger, oh well, i dont care bout it anymore. though my brothers are still kind of pissed off over this incident, let's just forget bout it man. VOODOO DOLL WILL DIE IN THE HANDS OF HIS OWN WORKS OF ART. =)

now that i know my brothers do read my blog, i shall glad fully criticise them in this entry. hehehe. alright, i know im bored. but when you guys(my brothers) think about it, it is these jokes and laughters that keep this brotherhood strong. it is not only about sharing happiness and grievances, it is about going through different prospects of life together. ah hell with it, they wont understand these shits. at the end of the day, they will just laugh at me. so. go and die ya u guys.

okay, the following pictures may cause some disturbances for
i) people with heart attacks
ii)people who cant take jokes
iii)people who are pregnant
iv)kids under the age of 16?

check it out.

Siang Lung, also known as Mei
















Junjie, also known as Bkor


















Reeve, also known as Rave

















Weecheong, also known as Dulan Cheong




















Weitiong, also known as Rex





















Terry, also known as Tare



















ivan, also known as Puay



































Hates of My Life. With them, life is filled with so much saddness. =)
BKor, please bless us

her

i'll never let you go,
no matter how things will be
throught the storms i will hold you tight
through the night i will hug you warm
things will never go wrong
if we just remain like this forever.

=)

junjie

stupid faces

















chocolate cake.. yucks`

















nian hong, bkor, puay
















thank god rex is not in the photo

















BROTHERS OF MY LIFE. =) FUCK THEM!

angels brought me here.

sometime when u think about life, you find how stupid and foolish it could be. u think about it and u feel like god has created this game of life just for the fun of it. he created so much pitholes, so much drawbacks and falls, and at the end of the day, he wants you to see what is beyond these difficulties. life can be happy, if you live it to the fullest.

im not sure whethere im living my own life to the fullest. i'm kind of feeling drowzy with different thoughts telling me to go on life in different directions. im kind of lost, kind of confused, not knowing what should i do next?

i want to ace for A levels. i want to do everything to make my family and brothers proud. i want to show them i've got the abilites to do the things i want to do. i've my vision, my goals, my inspirations, my dreams, all of which i want to fulfil before i die.

however, setbacks in life just keep appearing in front of me. each barrier that is build up just pushes me to lower grounds. sometime the level that i've fallen just make me lose all my confidence. my family is there for me, my brothers never leave me, my friends are in front of me, but these people would not be much help to me if i dont pick myself up.

i know my weaknesses, my bad habits, my flaws, all of which are things i've to change and improve on. its all about discpline of the mind and soul. that's what life and decisions are all about.

these words that im speaking are coming from the bottom of my heart. i know i've disappoint some of my friends and brothers for the false promises that i've made in the past. one thing that is true is that im trying my best to change for the better. im trying ok!

do you know that when you get drunk , you become unaware of the things that are happening around you? and right now, i dont know why am i writing all these things in this entry. one thing for sure is that i need an avenue where i can write out all my grievances and saddness for those who are close to me to understand. i'm struggling right now, seriously i am. at times, i just feel like breaking down and cry. but i cant, i know i cant. my character tells me to always put a smile in front of eveyone, cracks a joke for them to make them laugh, to stupid actions just to make myself laugh. why am i doing all these actions? why?

im at my junjie house and the media player is playing S.H.E song. it reminds of this secondary school friend that i once had. the key word is HAD. let's just name her,J. J has been a good friend of mine, or even my best friend whom i can trust my thoughts and secrets with. she's more of a girlfriend that just a friend, she's the girl whom i had fallen in love with. she once chose a guy over me. to tell you the truth, im fine with that. i didnt complain, i didnt hate, all i did was to respect yourr choice. after the both of you broke up, i know that i've fallen for you.. again.. but at that moment, im not sure of my feelings and i wasnt true about making you my girl. i was afraid of another rejection, another withdrawal of love, another shitty relationship. the moment when i've no doubt about this love, you are togeher with another guy. what can i say? tell me.. what can i do? at that moment, do i even have a choice to choose what should i do next. i chose the most timid path, i walked out of this love relationship. i chose to remain discreet about this love and just pray the best for you. and now, we are more than strangers than just friends. if you know who you are and you are reading this, all i want to tell you is that "im sorry"

a true romance can ruin a perfect friendship.

im tired and im not trying to show how many girls i have in my past, only a few have made an impact in my life. these few are those whom i cherished deeply in my heart. J and my ex being the few.

sometime, some words are better left unspoken.

junjie and weecheong are sleeping like dead logs now. before i go, i want to wish WONG JUNJIE AKA BKOR AKA ALWAYS-LATE-GUY AKA PROFESSOR AKA MY BROTHER , A HAPPPY BIRTHDAY, ASSHOLE.

arsenal

Arsenal lost to Barca. darn it.. 2:1 shit.. shitttt.. shitttttttttttttttttttt

retard

Jing says:
hehe language!!
Jing says:
heheheehehehh hehehe~
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hehehhe
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hhehehehehehehhehee
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hee heee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hee heee heeee hehehe heeee
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
he he hehehe heheheheee
Jing says:
hhehehhh heheheheh heeeeee hehehe~
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
heheehehehehe~ hehee! hehehe? hehehehe
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hehheheee~~
[4]§ix뮕•+Zh@n+ says:
something is v wrong here
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
hehehee (hehehe) heheheee heeeee. heee!?!?!?!
Jing says:
heheheehheeee!!!!! heheeheeh eheheheehehe he
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
heeee!!! heheheheeee..
Jing says:
he hehehe hehehehehehehehehehe he heheheheheh hehehe~!
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect says:
heheheheheheheeee.. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. hehee

mother's day

one week just past,leaving everyone unaware of what is going to happen tomorrow. last week, i was still going through the worst days of my life, and now, i guess everything is back to normal. i am just praying hard that the equilibrium stage that this family has attain will not fall again.

sometime, you just sit down alone, pondering about what is love all about? however, at the end of the day, you cant find an answer to the question. basically, i feel that love is based on different people experiences, different perceptions and expectations. one would see love as a dependent variable, someone whom u could rely on to keep your life moving on. while for the other person, love can be seen as a way to fulfil your sexual desires, your sex partner could possibly just be your right guy because he can satisfy your needs. in any situation, everyone would want love in their life. no one could live without love. it provides a sense of comfort and trust, a block of cushion to shelther you from the harsh reality.

so i sat down and ask myself, what do i basically see in love? is it all about seeing the girl you like, be happy with her life? to an extent, yes. but dont you think love is selfish? would you be satisfy? dont you feel the pain inflicted on your heart? i believe in this phrase that, if she is not mine, there is nothing i can do to make her mine. =)

apart of this love that is all about me and her, i love these people in my life. they are the ones that holds a place in my heart. =)

i) family. dad,mom,sis,bro
ii)brothers. mei,bkor,weecheong,rave,tar,rex
iii)consonance. jinfeng,chunhui,jiahao,charlene
iv)05s12. fiq,zhan,normie,bry,celest,jing
v)childhood friend- stefanie
vi)her`
vii)his ex`

i hope i didnt miss out anyone. they are the ones that im constantly praying for, except for my brothers. haa

that's for all.
God bless =)

family potrait

Princess Mononoke

she's the girl that most guys will like. the ideal girl that most people who want to woo. her face, her features, her expressions, everything in her just seems so perfect. No one could spot the flaws in her. her eyes were crystal blue, like the clear sky that hangs above our heads. her hair was silky black, the fragance she possessed is seducive. she is just the girl that he is looking for.

he saw this girl walking down the asle with her friends. her smiles were so captivating and sweet.

uh..

apart

i wrote a poem during my econs lesson.

i call this poem "apart"

The sky is blue
My heart is dull
The souls in school
lively and happy
The soul in me
deadly and dying.

=)

fuck it

the following entry that is going to unfold
its not the usual ivan that you will see and know
its just the totally different side of him
the ivan that you wil never wish to know
its the ugly side of him.
the digusting side of him

PARENTAL ADVISORY
EXPLICT CONTENT

LEAVE YOU CANT TAKE MY VULGARITIES
IM NOT FORCING YOU TO READ THIS ENTRY

this rap that im writing on
is a brand new fag for my dad to know
he's bloody ass is a deep shit crest
with words that says, "fuck me on"
he opens the dark door of my soul
as i wrote on his diry soul
and curse that bitch who break this home
lightning strikes you go fuck your own
my words avent been so harsh for so long
and now hes forcing me to use these words
to describe him and his fucking cork
fuck you dad go fuck a dog
you broke this family potrait that im holding on
my trust and love are all now gone
the blooding that are flowing on
fuck you dad i really hate you to core
damn your ass for cheating on mom
fucking bastard go fuck yourself
i thought you've change for the better shit
but i was wrong i was damn fucking wrong
u broke my heart and smashes it to pieces
now im gonna slice your cock and throw it at your fa-ce
im seriously sick of your love and kisses
get lost and leave my life for ages

you china bitch dont you dare run away
dont think im gonna leave you with this shit
you push my limits to the minutes
and now im gonna curse you till u die in ur feaces
fucking bitch you fucking witch
break this home and leave me alone
with no dad im lost in debts
may devils kill you and eat your flesh
you lucky bitch i didnt see u there
or i will fuck you till your vagina tears
with my brothers im gonna rape your soul
cut your body and cook you in soup
fucking bitch i really hate your ass
do you come from china to rob my dad
im gonna fuck your ass and fuck it hard
go on shout, bitch shout out loud
no one is gonna hear you, you suck my cock
you are the cause of all this shit

fuck you dad and fuck your bitch
fuck your cock go fuck his dick
fuck my cock you fucking bitch
fuck my dick im gonna let you lick
fuck you bitch go fuck at beach
fuck your vagina til it bleed
fuck your face and fuck your breast
fuck you witch and fuck you deep
hate this life hate this rap
hate these bullshits hate these craps
hate this daddy hate that bitch
hate this world hate these words
hate it hate it hate it hate it
fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it

so long dad im gonna stop this rap
please leave mummy and never come back
i prepare a coffin for you and china bitch
go lie in it and die in it
i hate you dad i hate your words
im tired of these shits that ive put up all these years
thank you dad for these 18 years
i dont owe you anything now so leave my life
mummy hug me close to you
i'll never let go of you
i'll never let you go
hold me sister
hold me brother
big brother is here and to say i love you so
thank you daddy thanks alot
all i wanna tell you is
i loved you lots.

photos

i really regret not telling you that i once loved you
and now that u are wit another guy
i duno how to react to this fact
that i left here all alone
with all these feelings that are weeping
my heart is dying and crying
im searching
for a love to cherish
we are now strangers
no words could explain how i am feeling right now
i wanted to contacted you
but im not sure what is stopping me?
you tried to talk to me and befriend with me
but what is wrong with me
that im always showing you attitudes?
why mux i be stubborn and stupid
to give up this friendship over love
if only time could rewind,
i would tell u that i love you
and maybe then
you would give me another chance
to win back your heart
but time has past
and i must move on
and put these memories behind me.

=)