resolutions

one sad way to start a new year, i am sick. down with a running nose. its running!! hmm.. anyway, 2006 is aproaching in 24 hours time. haa. but i still got to work during the night. fuck it!

during these 365 days of 2005, many people have made an impact on life. be it sad or happy, they just did something that made me remember them =] they are so important to me.

for female category. top 10
1) my mom. geez. she is the best woman on earth =x

2)my sister. she's growing up so fast and i am worried.

3)esther. shes my ex.

4)jeanie. my piggy forever. haa

5)ms squid. =]

6)joyce. i adddooorrreee heeerrr..

7)ying. lil princess

8)chunjin. shessss crazy.schnappi~

9)stefanie. my chillddhooodddd friend..

10)hmmm.. hmmm.. michelle bei. bah.. this girl.. those who are close should know. bah bah bah.haa

for male category.top 10
1)siang lung. he is an arrogant asshole

2)junjie. he is a lazy bastard.

3)kah cheong. he is a make-peopl-pissed-off irritant.

4)reeve. he is a stupid flirt.

5)terry. he is a brainless kid.

6)weitiong.he is a rich spoilt kid.

7)afiq. my best malay friend.

8)norman. my personal gp tutor.

9)dad.

10) my asshole brother, eugene.

special award
peps saxophone section!!!,weiling,limin,yuxin,sabrina,05s12.4/6 especially cher, von,keat, sam, kl.anymore? cant think of it le. sorry if miss you out.

blog more the next morning.
im tired. sick. ah.
god bless
satan,kill me =]

flashbacks

i am supposed to be studying right now. due to rush hours that i am having these days, ive got a stack of holidays assignments to complete and go to work during the night. seriously, this hectic life is driving me a lil' crazy. total exhaustion each night and tempers flaring up very easily. anything that didnt seems to please my eyes, i just got pissed off. espically when my room get messy by my siblings or my laptop is being used and not placed back to where it came from. but anyway, i dont feel like triggering my brain for any maths questions. maybe after ive finish blogging?

a new year is arriving in 2 days time? i still got to work on new year eve and new year. no life~
but before the new year begins, take a look at the flashbacks of this year, its in chronological order, starting from jan. =]

1)entered the pioneer junior college 1st 3 month course. orientation was fun with my og13? cool! we called ourselves 'Ocean'.

2)get to know a girl call ying from my classy. we started our first conversation talking about relationships. after which we got real close. she became my bestie in o5s13. then came chunjin. we 3 formed the FAC. haa. we went out together once, and i treat them to sakae sushi. it was fun!

3)'O' level results were out during march? i passed my english and A math! unbelievable for my Amath.

4)during the june hols, i met up with my brothers. geez. hasnt been seeing them for months.

5)July 7!! the best birthday i had so far. i received lots of blessings from my friends and prezzies. hmm. one volcom shirt from von and cher. fleshimp shirt from jeanie and goderic, pink shirt from classy, pencil box from ying, mcr from afiq, card made by jeanie, hmmm.. cookies from my ex. and the best of all, a birthday surprise from my brothers, a treat at the seoul garden =]

6)arrived at the point where my depression state sets in. reason being, ive broke up with my ex for one year. somehow, i just missed her alot suddenly. to make a point to mark this end of our relationship, i make a book for her =] its over. ^^

7)i get to know a girl call michelle. maybe its all wrong from the start when i knew her.

8)promos was arriving then. everyone started mugging like shit. thank god i promoted, but ive to buck up on my gp. blogging is good in a sense that i can improve my language and usage of vocab.

9)quarrelled with afiq. but the problem was resolved. come to think about it, the reason why we started quarrelling was damn so stupid.

10)oh ya, jeanie! remember there is this period of time where we kinda like broke off from contacts. then one day at the school canteen, we sat down and started chatting about lots of things. haa. after coming to jc, i felt that we both stay close, then far, then close. hmmm, will we drift far again?

11)the performance at paragon with my pri.school band was fun. met up with my peps bandmates and we talked alot about the past. for example, chunhui like ahem ahem*, ahem ahem like her too. but they are friends alright!!! hmmm.. about me liking jinfeng =x. the days me and chunhui always make lots of trouble and we got lots of scoldings from mrs goh. but guess who was the mastermind but got aaway with it? JINFENG!!! argh.. haa. oh ya, i got to know this new friend, my young junior, charlene. haa. shes cute =x

12)my parents almost had a divorce. thanks to my dad. i am glad with the fact that he had changed =]i hope he wont break the trust of mine again.

13)christmas this year was boring for me. plus i was being checked by cid officers that night.

14)me,sianglung,wc,junjie.we made a pact to become to sworn brothers.

15)for once, i saw the soft side of reeve. he treated me to waffle hotdog during work, knowing that i didnt have any money. hahahahaa =x

i think thats about all.
at least these memories do make an impact in my life =)

ive got to start squeezing my brain juice.
seriously, math sucks! i prefer physics
whoever is reading this,
may god bless you.

confession of a broken heart

confessions of a broken heart.

love`
a new year is about to start. i am quite glad by the fact that the She in my heart is soon going to be buried in my memory box. somehow or rather, after these few days of reprimanding of my sinful soul, i felt that im a new-born person. these foolish games of me missing her one year plus is totally pulling me apart. these months of separation seems so short to me. its look so much like it just happened yesterday, or the day before. few months back, i thought i had penned all those feelings of her into the book i made for her. i guess, i was wrong. the incident of michelle totally brings back memories of her. i thought that michelle had replaced the Her. she didnt, in fact, she brought back more sadness and loneliness to this broken heart of mine. back then, i mised her so much, so much that i would cry each night. all i ever hope at that point of time was just to get her by my side. however, dreams will always stay untrue. i faced the reality. i am right this time. She` was gone from my heart. i will just simply keep her in one corner of my heart. my first love, so short yet so sweet.
i just hope for a new love to come next year.
right now, i keep thinking of someone. i doubt she will know. why? ccause i didnt tell her =x

friends`
they are the essential part of my life. they take up 40%? because 60% would go to my girlfriend. haa. next year is my 'A' level. i hope during the next of one year, my jc friends will be there to pull me up when i fall down. similarly, i would give them my support when they are down.
my secondary school friends?i miss them =]

study`
i have full confident i will work very very very very hard next year. 'A' Level!!
target:
physics:A
cmath:A
econ:B or C
gp:B4
chinese:D7 will do. =x
i must score!!

brothers`
what more can i say about them? firstly, they suck. secondly, they suck. thirdly, they still suck.
but without them, my life would be so much lonely. anyway, i had a great fun with them today at malaysia. haa. MOVEMENT OF THE CENTURY. bkor should know ba. haa.

family`
peace and harmony. that is all i want. =]

i wanted to blog more about the flashbacks of this year. but i am tired. maybe tomorrow
night`
today had been a fun and tired day.
i bought a levi jeans,quicksilver 3/4 pant,2 ankle length socks, a shirt.
i want to watch Narnia!!

bon nuit`
which means goodnight in french
i learned it from norman.

temper flaring

my tempers had been quite high these days. maybe because of my lack of sleep. adding to the worst case was the stupid rain. im experiencing total exhaustion.

an ocean, so vast and wide.
its a home to many sea creatures.
we understands how nature works.
the strong eats the weak.
the strong survive, the weak die.
ever heard of the crab making friend with a squid?
i came across this in my life.
they hid their friendship in the dark,
afraid that such a situation will cause much discomfort to both of them.
they afraid of what will happen, and the aftermath of it
they once fell in love with one another.
but nature has its own way of working.
a crab can never get together with a squid.
even if they do, nother will prosper from these relationship.
the crab stays solemn.
it only watches the squid from afar.
the squid found its correct partner. they are meant for one another.
fear that the partner may get jealous,
the squid could only watches the crab walking off, alone and cold.
the squid wanted to hug the crab so much,
but this friendship they had,
could only be kept in the dark.
now and forever.

im a good storyteller =]

ciao`
im off to sleep,
goin malaysia tmr =]

have you ever?

i came across this song in my music library. its nice and sweet.
i love this song a lot. it just makes me feels sour in my heart when i listen to this song.
somehow, it causes some flashbacks in my memory.
however, ive gotten over the past. yep =]

title: Have You Ever
by brandy

[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world'
Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

chance in a lifetime

a lonely xmas but not so lonely afterall.
i am so unlucky to be check by cid officers on christmas day.
bah. how many chance in your lifetime can u be check up by cids on christmas day?
maybe its an honour, a blessing in disguise.

my heart felt so lonely by the unfamiliar and unique silence that was surrounding me.
my soul felt cold.
at the point of time, i just wish so much that someone is beside me.
to hug her tight in my arms and never let her go.
the wind that blew last night was intense and biting.
with my immune kept to the lowest level, the stinging and piercing were painful.
i want you to be my girl.

the whole of this week was fun.
i went back to peps band. the whole of saxophone section was there.cool!
charlene,chunhui,jinfeng,jiahao,edde.
ha. charlene is this new junior i know. cause she is 3 years old younger than me.
i dun haf any impression ive taught during the pri. school days. ha.
but anyway, she is a lady whom i found special about.
she possesses that cool aura that other girls i know dont possess.
haa. cool doesnt it? i think shes a soft spoken person.
i duno? i jux know her for one week?
i know chunhui and jinfeng since sec 2?
haahahaa. =x

school is starting in a week time.
but i havent get my holiday assignments done!!!!
revision will start with effect from monday.
im going to be a good boy from tomorrow onwards.
=] im a already a good boy.

ciao`
merry xmas everyone

chance in a lifetime

confession

my class chalet ended. overall, it was fun. i drank too much vodka on the second night and got myself real high. a bit tipsy by then but im still aware of my mental state. now understand why people who drank too much get pissed off when they said they are not drunk. my friends thought i was drunk. maybe i was. haa. but in any case, i got hold of myself and thanks spencer for keeping the beer, cause i wanted to drink more at that point of time. i think some of the girls were pissed off. yep. but the fact was that, i started to drink more and more because sad thoughts start to intrude my mind at that moment. i just want to get myself crazy so that these matters wont bother much to my mood. its over anyway. one funny thing, a girl thought we were 18 years old and came to ask me to buy beers for them. haa. i was so high at that time that i started a chat with her while we went to the cheers with spencer. oh shit! i forget to ask for her name! joking joking. i think im bad. i told zai liang to drink pure vodka and he got a headache after drinking it. opps =x

connie and celestine came very late. hmmm.. around 8pm? after i got to know michelle, i hasnt contact much with connie. until yesterday, we had quite a chat while bbqing those chicken wings. haa. she didnt change. still as lame as ever. she is my support and im her support too! cause we promised one another to provide support for one another while she tried to forget him, and me trying to forget her =] thanks connie. i pray hard for you and E. =x she wont read this anyway.. haaa..

oh. celestine was so absent-minded. she left her shoebag in the chalet. blur queen! i want my ten pages testimonial in friendster asap.

kezia chalet is on friday. so is chun jin party. weeeeeeeeeee. im going to have much fun before the new year starts.

im going out with my brothers tomorrow. they are going to send me on my last journey to death. thanks brothers. YOU GUYS SUCK!,,,,

christmas is coming soooooon. i've got my christmas presents ready for the 2 people who are dearest to me. so if u receive my present, you are soooooooo dear to me. these 2 people are girls. both of them made much of an impact in my life. they didnt gave me alot of what they had, but they created much of a chaos during this journey of mine =x. haa. both of them hold places in my heart.

my brothers arent so dear to me. because they suck! wekekekekkekee.. they have a position in my ass =] i love you my brothers. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

night`

if i aint got you

Parental advisory
Explict content
M18

Leave if you dont like my usage of language

yeah, this aint bout my life
its bout my friend
a friend whom i hardly know
but i could sense the pain he is goin through
i just want to let others know how he feels

he lives in big room flat
a 5-room apartment with walls thats cold
he could not feel any love from his olds
somehow he just feel outkast in this home
mommy and daddy aint not loving him no more
they're busy with their work till they left him on his own
he thought life would be simple as he wish
naive and credulous thoughts
all these left him to these spot
as he watched people around him quarrelling over one parking lot
without guidance he changed alot
countrified and crude
his parents though it was just part of the growing route
they were wrong from the start
loving a child with no heart
like a puppet with no feelings
hes a child with pampered with conditional love

mummy, i love you and why wasnt u there
daddy, i miss you and all i wanted is your care
if i ever leave this world and never come back
please hang on for i am always there

he cried each night and no one was there
all he ever wanted was that special care
no one turned around and took a look at him
hes cutting his wrist and hes bleeding hard
the pain of adrenaline is rushing
and its causing pressure on his heart
he look at the family photo
"mommy aint gonna care for what i've done,
daddy wont bother even if i die"
the family portrait dropped and smashed to pieces
like a jijsaw puzzles which falls from its places
he stomped his foot on the floor trying to hit their faces
the blood is still dripping like races
his heartbeat paces
he faces
the death that he see-es

mummy, i love you and why wasnt u there
daddy, i miss you and all i wanted is your care
if i ever leave this world and never come back
please hang on for i am always there

he open his eyes and saw the white background
"im dead. god, take me to your land"
"son, misery is gone and so do the rant"
"hows mommy and daddy, Father"
"i punished them with my power"
"but why Father, tell me why,
i love them more than you love me.
though i hated them when they ignored me,
but Father, they were the one that gave birth to me."
He shouted with anger
frustration dispersed to all different angle
"they treated you like rubbish and u still love them,
son, you are hopeless, i cant that this tempt"
"send me back to where i am from cause this isnt where i belong,
thank you father, i love you and hope u love me so"
"you are enlightened,my son.
go back and things will change when tomorrow began"

mummy, i love you and why wasnt u there
daddy, i miss you and all i wanted is your care
if i ever leave this world and never come back
please hang on strong for i am always there

he woke up and saw daddy lying on his lap
he turned around and saw mummy crying on her lap
"mommy and daddy, im alright.
heres a message from God, he told me to love you right."

almost dead

today is a very interesting day. i and reeve almost got into a car accident. stupid car gives off a sudden brake and the bus had to brake too. it threw all the passengers aboard foward and the margin between the bus and the car was so thin. shoot it. it should have banged.

dear santa, i have another wish. i want a coffin with my name engraved on it. this is the way i want the sequence to go:
ivan ng
pimp^imp
dead since 7/7/1988
burn in inferno in hell
god hates you

thanks santa. i love you.

just when i thought ive got my feelings right, things didnt go the way i wanted it to be. this is aint the first time, and i doubt it will be the last time. come to think about it, i think im cursed. seriously, i feel it that way right now.

oh yea! i got my prom partner for next year pj prom night. still a long way though. introducing to you................................... i dont want to say. =]

here's a song i wrote. ITS NOT A RAP.
title: happy birthday to you

Verse 1
Gazing to the skies above
The rain starts to fall
I hold u closely in my arms
And I don’t want to let u go
Memories keep on flashing back
And I need you to understand
That baby, I still love you

(chorus)
I’ll pray for you baby
I’ll wish for you baby
I’ll do anything just to see you smile
Cause
I dream of you baby
And, I think of you. Yeah~
And for you this song I sing
Happy birthday to you

Verse 2
Time and love keep moving on
And I try to hold, I tried to
Heart to heart I feel your hands
But this love seems so cold
It is now that finally I came to know
Baby, u don’t love me anymore

sing for the moment.

when i was just a young kid, i like to watch the night sky and admire the stars hanging so brightly above. as my parents start to turn in, i would creep quietly to the kitchen and gaze up to the sky. then, i would start talking to them about how my day had gone by. they wouldnt reply me but just gave me a bright wink, as if hinting to me that they had heard my words.

though it may seems childish to others that im a stupid fool talking to the sky, but i wouldnt care less. at the age of 17, i still does that at times. i would tell them how tough my life is, about my friends, my prayers. like the way they always do in the past, they would give me a wink to tell me that my prayers are heard and recieved. thanks, guardian stars =] u guided me through all this while.

christmas is coming. i think im going to samuel church.

dear santa, i know im just another irritating brat writing these wishes to you. but since u are santa claus, too bad, u just got to carry out your job. haa. i've been a good boy through 2005. i know you wouldnt believe me, but isnt this way everyone starts with their wishes. anyway, straight to the point, i want my wishes to be heard and delievered. if not, i would replace you with another santa.

wish:
prayers to those ivan-love-you people
my brothers,(mei,bkor,wc,rave,tar,rome,huat)
my pj-mates(afiq,norman, zhan,bryan,cj,wj,ying,celest,shir,yh,connie,yx)
my unity-mates(jeanie,jessie, cher,von,tik,rah,limin,sab,keat,samuel,y2k,yuxin,weiling,sandra,cindy)
my pri-mates(jerome kwek,mark,chunhui,jinfeng,jason)
my one and onli childhood friend(stefanie)
she`(for those who know)
if i had left u out, please tag at my tagboard. i will consider and put ur name in there. please understand,ive short-term-memory.

special request of prayer to joyce. ure getting stronger each day. though we seldom contact, but i could feel that sense of confident building up in one corner of your heart. dont give up! if u fall down, just stand and walk own. dont be afraid of failures and betrayals, theyre the one who are your motivations. trust me, i will hold u if u ever fall down. =]


santa, i hope this wish wont be difficult to u. better get it done or else...............................

time is passing fast, 2005 is coming to an end. we are moving to the working world soon. things are getting so fast that i got afraid of what is going to happen in the future. the friendships i have with my friends, how long can they last? the brotherhoods of my brother, will we be able to meet up that often after this year end? we are going to the adulthood soon. too soon i should say.
but the most difficult thing i would not bear to give up, is this brotherhood. we're so close like blood-brothers, especially mei,bkor and wc. rave is like my long-time quarreling partner. without him, my life will be filled with silence.

sianglung, also known as, MEI
he is one fool whom understands me a lot. we used to be love rivals. to be more specific, i cant to be with a girl i like because of him. reason being, the girl cant forget the kind of hurt he had inflicted on her. but, we became soooo gooood frieeenddds, brothers. haa. unimaginable. however, he is becoming more and more arrogant(sia lan). haa.

junjie, also known as, BKOR
he is an idiot who is always late for meeting. its alright to be late for 10-15 mins. this short period of lateness could be pardon. but for bkor, he can be late for 1hr. one nice thing about him is that hes faithful guy towards the girl he like. one thing i would admire but still, hes dumb. i shall not elaborate on further details. but i like him anyway =]

weecheong or kahcheong, also known as, weecheong or kahcheong? DULAN CHEONG
he is one ass who likes to make me fcuked up then he will started laughing. he used to be a dickass in the past for some stuffs he had done. but he had changed. i just prayed he dont change back to his past state. jessie, trust me, hes a good guy afterall. fuck u wc =] haaa

reeve, also known as, RAVE,RAFT,CARKIA
he is a irritating brat who is like to quarrel with me. the rest of the guys got sick of our quarrelling anyway, cause we quarrelled everyday when we meet up. nevertheless, without him, i will feel so lonely. hes important to me afterall.

weitiong, also known as, HUAT
he is a rich kid who got into this group recently. i dont know how it happens but our frequent meet ups includes him too. i like him for one reason. hes rich but hes not stingy and spoilt. he has good manners but one sad thing, hes always bullied by me and rave. if i become real rich like him one day, i would definitly treat him to a meal at some luxurious restaurant.

terry, also know as, TAR
he is a distubing bastard and is the smallest-size guy in this group. hes tiny eyes make him seems like some kind of tiko. haa. he seems to be quite popular among unity young girls, because he is always being said to have many meisssssss.

together, we are the _________ brothers. i think i should suggest to think a name for my this group of brothers.

ciao`
im tired. its already 3.10am in the morning.
night.
merry christmas and a happy new year

*prayers go to those who had lost their loves one during the tsunami last year. i love you guys.

funny

topic of this entry: weird

how does it seems like when your sister started to rap the way you do when u played the eminem music?

the sight is soooooo.. oh my god.. did i influenece with her negative stuffs, because rapping is damaging to the brain.

how does it seems like when you and your family sit down together and watch the eminem concert DVD together? and half way through the show, this black rapper from D12 started shouting."fuck u debbie,debbie"

hmmmm. u will get a scolding from your mom but see your dad doing the rapping action. wahahahahahaha.

how does it feels like when your best buddy, junjie, ask you to join the channel U superband, together with siang lung and weecheong?

its.. its... itss................. coool. haa. if siang lung is in for it, then im in. but i know siang lung wouldnt want to join, so its safe for me. =] i think junjie is a little out of his mind. =x

how does it feels when....
u think that the whole world is going crazy?
cause everyone is going crazy [simple plan]

i feel like writing another rap. its on the way. =) less crude. im not a brusque guy.

i just found a new buried place for that china bitch.
i will bury her under my bed after ive kill her.
a side of me is fill with gothic thoughts.im glad =]

i miss you`

time check: 4.47am, 5/12/05

reason for reaching home so late?
i had chat with junjie and sianglung from 11pm to 4am.
interesting ah? 3 guys talking under a shelter until the wee hours of the night. and i've take the midnight charge on the cab while going home.
anyway, we had a great chat.

it's only today, that i realise how much i still miss and love my ex. its already one year since we broke up and yet these memories still keep replaying like a film without sound.

i've forgotten how to cry for you.

daddy, i love you?

THE CONTENTS BELOW ARE DIRTY
M18
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LEAVE IF YOU DONT LIKE MY USAGE OF LANGUAGE.

this is a whole new rap
specially written for my special dad
i put on my starter cap
as i begin to fill this whole gap

i'm sick, i'm coughing
with my throat inflammed with those yellow juices
i felt touched when u told me to visit the doc
geez, and where are you, visiting that dog
haf u ever felt cheated of your feelings
when that sense of trust u earn
just drop to trash
haf u ever felt that angst
when angel get kicked away by that bloody demon
the dark clouds are falling upon my head
i cant breathe, i cant see
daddy where are you
give me your hands so i can feel
your sense of security and love
daddy i love u
and fuck u too

mummy and sis are overseas
and where are u during these 3 days
i havent seen u since friday
fuck it, i guess u must be dead since that day
i went to the cemetry to find your rest
and guess what i saw
a china bitch licking your ass
mummy's gonna get hurt if she heard this shit
but she will never know
cause i dont wan break her heart the way u did
my father's dick is being shared by another fucking bitch
its like my ass being fucked by a fucking witch
do u like to see the way this family could break
i will be so happy if u 2 could break
i try to trust u dad, i tried
but these shits are going to be shadows in my life
u fucking guy love to fuck china asses?
why dont u jux live in china so u can see those bitches
these muthafuckers bitches are lying on those beaches
you can choose as u masturbate through these wishes
fuck u dad i reali fucking hate u
for all those fucking pain u brought upon my soul
i hate to use these languages to describe you
but why do you make me feel this way
cant u just stick to one vagina way
if u got sick of my mom den jux tell her
leave her alone and never come back here
this house holds the surnames of ng
fuck u bitch if u want to share this too

i've never hate anyone to this extent
thanks so much bitch for bringin me to this resent
when will u ever be satisfied with my dad business
are u trying to tear up this happy family
i dont care the excuses if u say love cant be force
trust me, i will rape u and say i am the force
bitch if u ever let me catch u in action
my brothers are not going to let u go from this rape-tion
never tempt anger if u never dare to play with me
i will leave u ten feets up and throw u down the sea
i would be glad to see u dead with ur bloated stomach
or those hungry sharks as they tear up your flehses
seeing u dead is the best gift from heaven
i wouldt care if law says its wrong
cause to me, i'm right and i will kill u while u wear those thongs

daddy, i love you is all i want to say
thanks for these 17 years of upbrings u have gave
i jux hope to give u the best i could get
daddy, take it as i plead you
please leave that fucking bitch and love mummy alone
not wait till things turn out ugly
cause by that time
i may had killed that fucking bitch
god bless u dad
i kill u, bitch

aged

the harsh and cruel world is starting to take its toll as He starts to punish these selfish humans. calamities and disaters are falling upon this little planet. and all we can ever do right now is to run away, run away from these realities and hide ourselves. for the minority, they face it and try to deter the works of Him. the war between Man and God is already taking place. everyone is starting to doubt their own faiths. humans are killing one another for their beliefs. they are trying to show how their faith is superior to others. the 5 major faith sects in the world are going against one another. no one wants to listen to Him. they are not hearing His calls. all they are believing is not him, but themselves. think about it. i'm an all-ist. i believe in all faiths and trust their existence. but what is happening around me makes me totally disgust at how foolish humans can be. taoists raping girls in the name of Him, terrorists killing others in the name of Him, people discriminating others in the name of Him. basically the question is, what has he done wrong that everyone is using His name for all causes of their actions. i feel sad for Him. His duty, His job, His superiority, everything He had done, was badly carried out by us. in fact, different religions belong to one itself. He didnt created this, humans did.

i'm feeling quite happy today. sometime, somethings are just simply so great that it cant be explained in words. and the feeling is in me right now. i felt so accomplished after helping an aged woman. it's love =) i'm just feeling it in a different way.

i went to meet weiling and sandra at around 1am? its was late though, but to me, the night is still early. we chatted till three. the conversation was basically about relationship, a topic which is deemed boring for me. however, when weiling mentioned about first love, i thought of what afiq told me in the past. he told me that your first love may not be your first stead. it leads me to the memories of my current ex, that lady whom i actually loves a lot. to me, she was in fact my first love. though we didnt stead for long, but the memories we once had was something i will never forget. those memories will always stay close to my heart. dont let this be mistaken that i wont give as much to my future stead. in fact, i will give my future stead more than what my current ex recieves. just simply hopes she gets the best of what i can give. =))

on this journey to death, we had to live life to the fullest ya? =]

time checked: sat. 3/12/05, 4.24 am